two year blogiversary

The fifteenth is my two year blogiversary.

So because this week has been the week from hell, I'm celebrating now - YAY!

And updating on the week from hell:

1) Lab experiments are not progressing as fast as necessary. Some work, some don't work at all. There appears to be no in between at the moment.
2) Didn't make it home to visit fam this past weekend. Boo.
3) Was in car accident on Friday AM, which is why #2 happened. Yuck. No details. Just know I am okay, my car is not.
4) Found out today that the damage to car from #3 is so extensive, that they will total it out (i.e. Goodbye Vibe).
5) Realized today that I have no money (i.e. no downpayment for new car need due to #3 and #4), and am totally screwed.

Good things in the hellishness...as I am trying to take a "glass half full" approach:
1. I am okay - I walked away from the accident.
2. I have gap coverage insurance - which means the loan from the Vibe is paid in FULL by my insurance company, and I will not be several thousand dollars in debt.
3. Found out I can lease a new car for less than what I was paying on the Vibe, without a downpayment or first month deposit - so I can save the extra money for a downpayment on my next car.
4. I have the BEST parents in the world, because one found #3, and the other is who encouraged me to get gap coverage insurance in the first place - hence I am not totally screwed financially and car wise.
5. Lack of solidness elsewhere is lending itself nicely to refocusing efforts in lab, and I am slowly pulling my crap together - will hopefully get things done in due time. In fact, the things I was told to "focus on" a few weeks ago are pretty much done, except for minor details.

So bittersweet is the word of the day. Appropriate, since that is how life was feeling when I started this thing...

another fun hat for a super cold day

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Originally uploaded by LadyNicole.

It was 14 degrees Farenheit this morning in Columbus when I woke up. Brrr freakin' brr. Good thing I have my spiffy Agentine ski hat to keep me warm..."Fin del Mundo" - the end of the world. Ushuaia is the southernmost city in the entire world - that's where Steve left on the boat for Antartica. (and yes, he is back safe. Not warmer, cause it's only like 30 degree Farenheit there...).

Keep warm everybody.

why don't you have a seat? ... the holidays wil be right with you...

As I was ambitious (or annoyingly prepared) this year, it's Dec. 1 and I have:

-finished all my Christmas shopping, except for work Secret Santa and the group gift for my boss

-addressed all but 7 of my holiday cards

-written a witty yet informative holiday letter

-put up and decorated the "honkin' big tree" borrowed from my mom, complete with multicolored light design, garland, bows on the tips of the branches, and a LOT of ornaments.

-planned the holiday baking to commence this Saturday

So I'm ready for Christmas to be here already.  Advent is the hard part.  We wait... and wait... and wait.  Four more weeks.  Arg.  The thing I do like about Advent is the wreath -- lighting a candle each week helps make the wait easier - it's a visual reminder that we are waiting patiently for Christmas.  Plus it's a nice grounding point for reminding me what the holiday is all about for me - the birth of Jesus - that keeps me focused on the less commercial aspects of the holiday.  The tradition of hanging the tree with family ornaments and gifts from friends, the care and love I put into all the cookies I bake and don't eat myself, the quiet time spent with family.

Unfortunately, Christmas also brings up some not so fun memories as well, since it's the time of year when my grandfather passed away - he just held on past Christmas in 2000.  So it's been five years this Christmas.  Those memories are bittersweet though, because it wasn't an unexpected death - he'd been sick and avoiding most treatment for a long time.  So those memories are a reminder that life isn't a dress rehearsal - you can't just sit waiting for things to happen to you, for the transition from this life.  Although waiting patiently is a good approach for those things we don't have control over, you have to balance that with the willingness to jump in feetfirst to life's adventures that you do have control over.  To paraphrase a quote from The Ripples Project, I like to think he slid in headfirst to the next part of his existence, thouroughly used up, and exicited for the great ride he'd had - because it was a great life tha t he finished out.  That's how I want to go out - ready for the next great adventure.

Anyway... here's to the rest of the holiday season... 24 more shopping days!

more of the promised hats

11 your days are the worst

Gah.

Just for the record, I hate Mondays.

Going home now.  And YES I did get a lot done today, so it was semi-worth it.

double post day!

AND...It's four mini-day.

 

1 - Still beautiful fall weather in Ohio.  And I am stuck in the lab.  I will probably go outside for a walk in a bit, once I get work squared for a break.  This is what I like about having "flex time" except the part about having to come back after the walk...

 

2 - More hats please.  I need to make a hat for a Christmas present... any good beginning knit/expert crochet ideas?  I am also hoping to make a hat or two for myself, except not for a while.  I have decided I must make my Christmas gifts this year, since cash is short, and I have TONS of yarn to play with/use before any new crafty type projects are started.

 

3 - manicures are fun.  Had excellent girl's night with my friend S last night -- we need to do that more often ...mmm'kay?

 

4 - my back is totally all slippy today.  I had a chiropractor's appointment set for yesterday, but then I forgot it, so I had to reschedule for next week.  Hopefully this slippy vertebrae thing will help them slip back in place and STAY there before my appointment.  I hate being sick or worried about my body... it's distracting.  Keeps me from living life properly and happily and that is just NOT an option.  (p.s. the diet goes well, except for the occasional cheats.  I have hit a plateau and am trying to not cheat and to exercise regularly in the hopes that I will get off the plateau and head down a nice steep cliff.  Soon.  Like before the holidays.  Cause you know, it'd be great to go home and have people say "WOW you look great!" instead of "so when are you gonna finish with school?" as the first thing to greet me.)

 

Sorry about the delay for the hats. But I think the crazy blue eyed hat monster picture is well worth the wait.

parade of hats

For your viewing pleasure, this week I will entertain you with a new hat everyday.  Bear in mind, these are actually hats I wear in public.  Some are cool.  Some are not.  But mostly, they exist solely to keep my freeze-baby head warm.  I'm totally copying Sloth, as her parade of shoes/"it's HAT DAY" post has inspired me.

 

So um yeah.  Be prepared for some hairy pictures.  Haha.  Get it?  No?  Nevermind.  In any event, these... are the hats of my week.  The first one worn this week will be posted later this evening.  So come back.  Later.  Or tomorrow.  Or not.

 

GRUMPY mc grumpy pants

that was me this weekend.  For no good reason.  Well, the was a good reason... but it was totally biological and not an acceptable "good reason" for being mean to the Boyfriend and the Sister.  Thankfully, after extra sleep, I am better.  Not totally recovered, but Sane enough to bite my tongue as need be.

 

One of the main reasons I was grumpy was that I was at work most of the day Saturday and Sunday.  Now, normally, this is not a huge problem.  Except this weekend, I was here in the mornings and early afternoons... then had to COME BACK in the evening to finish up late time points/gels.  Which sucks, because whatever free time you do have in the afternoon is spent fretting over whether you will remember to leave On Time for the latter lab ventures to not get screwed up.  So I couldn't nap really, which was the plan.  I've edited the plan to include earlier bedtimes all this week in attempts to make up lost sleep.

 

In other news, I have a talk... at a conference at the end of the month.  My slides are almost done, except for one which I am still getting the data for this week.  I have a "practice" on Friday at 3 PM with my lab and our neighbors.  Which reminds me... I have to go book that room...too much to do in too little time with too little sleep makes Nicole a grumpy girl...

Thursday minis of scary stuff

 

1- I am convinced I will glow in the dark soon.  I've been radioactive three of the four days in the lab this week.

 

2- Apparently, elopement is not a societally acceptable option (according to the "wedding industry" at least... which makes sense because elopement is the financially sane option of the two and no economic industry wants consumers to be sane with their money... they just want you to spend it.).  JUST out of curiousity, I was perusing the wedding reference section at B&N the other evening (because I always peruse all the sections when I go in there, just in case something jumps out at me as useful.  SHUT UP I am NOT turning girly-planning-my-wedding-before-the-groom!).  One book on elopement.  ONE.  Out of a WALL of wedding planners, references, etiquette books, and "how to have a perfect wedding on next to no money (except not really)".  Sort of makes the idea more tantalizing, that it's not something everyone does.  Oh, wait.  Now that I said that, EVERYONE will want to do it to have the "unique" wedding.  So I take that back.  Back off wedding copy cats!  This idea's MINE.  Now I just have to find that pesky-as-of-yet-undetermined-who groom...okay, maybe I DO need to cut back on the wedding cake...

 

3- October.  86 deg. F.  In OHIO.  Need I say more?

 

4- I ache.  All over.  I am going to go home and have a nice hot toddy and read in bed with the door closed and soft jazz playing.  After I finish this last thing at work, which will take about... another hour.  Yea.  Gonna start something else to keep busy... just cross your knees I get home before 9 tonight.

 

 

 

 

blogging whilst working

Really... I have things running at the bench, and am breaking briefly.

 

Ack ack... papers in progress stress me out.  I'm just trying to work as efficiently as possible to get the experiments I need.  Rushing does not help me to get quality data, I have found.  I just take my time and get it as I do my work.

 

How does one dress for a horse show?  I am going to one (The New Albany Classic) this Sunday, and am not sure what apparel is appropriate.  Should I do "Columbus Suburban Casual" or "Dublin 20Something Who is Too Cool for Flip Flops"?  I think this may entail some shopping today... as a reward for a hard summers work.  And to see if I can fit into a smaller size shorts/crops, as I am already losing weight from my South Beach diet adventures (see above).

 

By the way, for all you football fans out there... GO BUCKS... BEAT IOWA!!

ch-cha-changes...

So I started the South Beach Diet this week.  Yah...I know "but you don't need to lose weight!"  "you're a stick already!"  Whatever.  My BMI is over 30.  I get winded when I have to go up more than 3 steps.  I have underarm jiggle and I'm only 25.  I NEED to lose weight.

The other reason, and the BIG one, is that I have a history of diabetes in my family... not to mention various cancers.  I am trying to a) reduce my risk for future illness; b) get my outside appearance to help reflect the inside beauty there is in me; and c) I feel pudgy.  I don't like feeling pudgy.  I've been overweight all my life.  I have accepted the fact that I have curves (which I love) and that I will never be a size 0 (I'm big boned, and darn it, I like being able to haul my own heavy suitcase, reach the top shelf with out a stool, and not having to worry about being blown away by a stiff wind.)  All my life, I've loved myself for myself, extra curves and all.  But when I feel pudgy, I have trouble doing that.  And I realized the other day that the short term satisfaction I get from downing a WHOLE bag of potato chips isn't worth a future of always wishing I didn't have this little belly roll of mine.

So far, the diet goes well... the first day was easy, the second was not.  Third was easier.  I'm eating well, and have yet to be hungry (except when dinner has to wait til 8 PM, which is a BAD idea...).  I think I've dropped about 5 pounds already.  I'd know for sure if I had weighed myself before the first day... I waited til day 3 to do that.

I'm also trying to clean my house of clutter.  At least my clutter.  And I'm trying to convince the Boyfriend to work with me to clean the Boyfriend's house of his clutter, as it has taken over and I can't stand it any more.  Stacks upon stacks is deemed a proper filing system at both our houses, to the effect that when I or he needs to find something, it is nearly impossible.  And we both end up cleaning like mad before anyone can actually come over.  I'm on a mission, and flylady.net is helping.  What's funny, is that I am the opposite of that at work.  All my data is meticulously kept in color coded notebooks with dividers, read papers are filed, I keep a computer file of all references, and I label/colorcode the bejeebers out of all experiments.  I think by the time I get home I'm so exhausted from it that I blow off cleaning/laundry/bills, etc. 

Here's to the babysteps to turn this life o'mine around.

sucker bet

I bet my boyfriend of a year and 5 months that his mom will ask me, with in the next two months, about us getting engaged.  I only bet him a quarter, but I think I'm going to win.  Ahahahah... Sucker!  :-)

flickr

Long time no blog. Quickie updates since last post:

Back from NYC.

Started Flickr account (I love it! But will not post all pics as public, so if you want the good stuff, sign me up as a contact).

Have posted NYC pics.

Have large plans to scrapbook all existing pictures that are not scrapbooked. That's a lot of pictures.

At standstill on experiments. Darn cells don't want to expand!

Have started working on review article(s). Wrote outlines for two different topics, am exploring both to get started filling in the outlines.

And that's all folks...

From far above

IMG_0003
Originally uploaded by LadyNicole.

Where am I?

Reason no. 2 I shouldn't complain

IMG_0050
Originally uploaded by LadyNicole.

Why sleep deprivation is worth it

IMG_0037
Originally uploaded by LadyNicole.

cookies to the person who can name the city...

fun at the conference -- four minis

I'm at the conference. I am tired. I am overwhelmed. I have spent the past two days -- save sleeping and showering and about two hours this morning -- straight on work, with my boss and the most gungho member of our lab. I need a break. Please send support vibes and hug vibes my way.

In more positive news, several of the people I've talked to have expressed interest in my work. Which is cool. :-) Makes it worth it. And my boss is talking about review articles... so I'm on the hunt for a good idea this week here at the conference to get a focus area for it. Wish me luck.

They have freakin' swans on the harbor. How cool is that?

Did you know you can by DNA jeans? Hahahahahahah... Go to http://www.cshl.edu and find the DNA Stuff Store for the link. I'm too lazy.

Monday mini

Don't you love it when you have a big project... just... about... done... and the computer decides to chomp on your Zip drive (SHUT up... the stupid printing service here requires you save your file to a Zip... I know they are outdated, but so are all the computers at work with any equipment on them because we are all too cheap to replace a PC that only has a stupid scanner we use for JUST ABOUT EVERY EXPERIMENT...).  Blea.  Luckily it was also saved on the network drive and the computer hard drive.

 

p.s.  Sunday felt like Monday, so in honor of it being honorary Tuesday, I am doing two minis today...

 

I leave for a trip this week!!!  Going to a conference for work.  Should be interesting as, we are also going to stay a few extra days here, and bum around here, and then fly home.  I mean, what more do you need for fun than a wild and crazy Chinese guy and Google to help find stuff to do?

Friday afternoon aperitif

I don't know what the last word is really... it just sounding good with the alliteration for a mini post title...

 

1.  I'm frantically trying to pull my poster together for this meeting next week.  Have to have it to my boss today.  Yikes.  :-|

 

2.  I have my life back... except I have no life.  Last night, the high point was making french onion dip and being a couch potato.

 

3.  My car is becoming a waste dump.  You know its bad when strange smells start.   Eew.

 

4.  New underwear rocks.  Need I say more?  = )

 

5.  It's FRIDAY... again, need I say more?

 

 

Ack ack!

Oh ... my ... you have to go read EvilScienceChick's most recent post.  Go ... go now!  Now you will know the depths that we graduate students must sink to in order to appease the great and powerful dissertation requirements!

What I have learned since finishing my candidacy exam...

1.  Ignoring your friends for four months and then waking up to realize you have no friends and no one to celebrate with is a very, very bad thing.

 

2.  You CANNOT just pick up where you left off when you cut yourself out for four months.

 

3.  Break, what break?  You don't get a break!  Sleep... who told you that you'd get to sleep now?  It only gets worse honey!

4.  The idea of not having classes or seminars is a good one.  The reality of it is a different story.

 

5.  Paperwork is bad.  Red tape is bad.  Graduate school is really a test to see how well you handle both.

 

6.  Writing a paper is good.  Posters are even better.

 

7.  The weather of the real world is not to be considered comfortable.  Not after spending your existence cooped up in airconditioning continuously for four months.  I have switched from being a freeze baby to being continuously hot.  I can't get enough AC.  Good bye normal body functions... hello freezer!

 

and the last and my personal favorite...courtesy of a friend

 

8.  Finishing your candidacy is like getting out of prison... it's great, except now you have to start over again!

big day minis

1. Today is the wrap up of my candidacy. 9-11 AM. Two hours... as of now, it's T-minus 3 hours and 24 minutes til its over. I want to get started to get it over faster. Please send good vibes my way if you read this before the 11 o'clock hour is done!

2. My boyfriend is wonderful, but he is messy and sneaky about it. I came in through the front door for the first time in several weeks and saw the mess I HAD missed by coming in through the garage. He decided perhaps it is a good idea that I keep coming in through the garage.

3. How is it that nervous stomach makes you productive? I was awake at 5 AM, but stayed in bed til the alarm at 6:30. I'm now at work at ... 7:37 AM as of now... and rip raring to go. I guarantee however, that I will have crashed by 4:30 PM today.

::UPDATE:: I passed my general exam. Yay! ***POP*** Blogsville champagne for everyone! (Even me, even though I'm working with radioactivity today).

Thursday morning mini

Since it is the fourth day of the week (by my Catholic-trained count)...Here's four lovely mini's for you.

 

1.  I read the other day, in a great book at Borders that I can't remember the name of, that Jaqueline Kennedy popularized the miniskirt by beeing seen in one at lunch.  How cool is that?  I already loved her style... who knew she was funky too?

 

2.  Thursday is one day away from the weekend.  [le sigh]  I am super tired and ready for a weekend free from lab work...

 

3.  An orange fusion new Pontiac G6 GT with panoramic sunroof is my new favorite ride.

 

4.  My mom's birthday is this Saturday.  ::: waves madly ::: HI MOM!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 

limbo ending

I'm scheduling my re-evaluation for my candidacy. Wish me luck as I enter the "review everything I know and ever ever learned or think I should/might know" phase of limbo. Prayers, thoughts, general good vibes, and, of course, any free food as brain sustenance are greatly appreciated.

In other news... my body has finally decided I need to stop and take a break. After general back "compression" and discomfort, I woke up Monday morning (after a weekend of laziness/study) not being able to move my head. At all. Well, that's an exaggeration. This is my range of movement without pain as of Monday morning (let me tell you, driving in rush hour while having to actually turn my whole body to check my blindspot was a TREAT)....and below is my range of movement now... after 1 visit to the chiropractor.


I go back to the chiropractor today... in about a hour. She's going to adjust my cervical spine and thoracic spine to help correct some of the problem. Initial evaluation is that I have bad posture (duh). I like this doc... she's young, she knows her stuff, and I wonder why I didn't go to a chiropractor before. She's a chiropractor/nutritional counsultant, which means she's all about the holistic medicine and supplements. Appropriately, the practice is called "Healing from Within". Right up my alley. So I feel better today, just knowing I went to the right place. This feeling is after realizing my last physical was four years ago... all the doc visits as of late have been for specific things, not general check ups. After answering all the "general health" questions, I realized I do have a lot of abnormal things going on ... But not having my standard doc at the health center actually ASK me about them, I fail to think about them hence me not bringing them up. In any event.... I feel better. Which is good, considering my body has got to carry me through about two more weeks of stress yet and support my brain function yet!

Science...Whee!!!

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making time...

So I'm finally getting in the habit of taking 10 minutes or so in the morning... just for me.  I make my coffee, sit down with an inspirational book/bible study, and focus on myself and my spiritual/emotional growth.

This is a big step for me, because my days are usually filled with work to meet someone else's deadline, errands to get something or other done, going places, making sure to do such and such for so and so.  Taking 10 minutes in the morning starts me off on the right, non-flustered foot.

Today's inspirational question was: What practical choices will you make today that will bring you deeper intimacy with God?  This is the first out of 11 questions in this book (that I've read so far, there are more...) that I've been stumped on.  I mean, I usually don't associate "practical decisions" and "spiritual growth".  I don't consider faith a "practical" choice per se... it's a "rational" choice, in that it makes sense to me with regards to my everyday emotional health and eternal destination, but "practical"?

It isn't "practical" to have to take an extra ten minutes for prayer and contemplation when I could be sleeping.  It isn't "practical" for someone living on a fixed income to donate to her parish/local charities.  It isn't "practical" for someone who has no free time to cram even more activity into her day to help others, to contribute her talents, to be a good and kind and semi-altruistic* person.  *I say semi-altruistic because true altruism is a myth... even if you don't "get" something out of your behavior, you get a good feeling and that counts as something...*

It is, however, rational to do all of those things, if you live a faith-based existence.  I have faith that living a life modeled after Christ will ultimately do me good.  That I will end up at "home" as many Christians say.  At the very least, taking Pasquale's wager will give you a shot at heaven, and if there isn't anything past this life, then you lived as a good and kind person who will be remembered fondly and leave a positive legacy and mark upon this world after you are gone.

I firmly believe in God the Father, maker of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only son, our Lord... and I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting (e.g. heaven).  (If you want more information on what a Catholic believes go read the Catechism, the teachings of the Catholic Church, online.  You can't say we're not technologically with the times!)

In any event, trying to reconcile my faith as a "practical" decision is a challenge.  I suppose, if it is concerning my everlasting end, that any choice I make towards that end is a practical choice, irregardless of its practicality in the here and now.  So today I make the practical decision to incorporate prayer and contemplation into my daily routine.  I make the practical decision to SLOW down and enjoy the rehearsal that is life, so that I don't miss the moments when God makes His presence known.

Here's to Pascal...

little things...

You know you're really hot when:

you can go to the Starbucks drive-through in your dirty car, with yesterday's makeup still on your face, on a Monday morning, with semi-bad hair, and STILL the following happens...

as the barista guy hands you your refilled mug and he says with a hopeful and very nice smile "don't worry about it, it's on me today."

[blush]  Thanks Starbucks Guy... I'm not ashamed to say that you made my week.  ;-)

3rd Year Student Seminar Presentation

I nailed it.  That is all.  :-)

(now on to finishing my candidacy exam, recycling the same talk for two more seminars, cloning a new set of mutants into my splice reporter system, sleeping, soaking my now hurt and blistered feet -- darn power heels! -- and trying to continue the trudgery that is GRADUATE SCHOOL...)

p.s.  The best part of getting my talk done the first week of the quarter, is that I "set the bar" with my "nice graphics"... and now I get to sit back and just ask questions of my classmates all quarter... MY LAST QUARTER of student seminar.  Yippee!!!

head out of sand

Gotta love lab mates.  I rewrote my stupid stupid exam... and had one read it.  "It reads really well."  Only minor comments.  I am not an idiot after all.  Emailed it to my advisor, who is out of town til Friday.  I am going home to take a nap now, then work out later.

Day 1 of the rest of it all

My big new experiment kinda worked.  Well, the controls worked.  And I got the result I expected -- not as fantastically beautious as I wanted, but it's headed in the right direction.  In my line of work, things don't always work they way you want them to, or ever for that matter.  You have to learn to be flexible, to analyze every angle, to not fall in love with the results you think you want -- because they may not be right, or possible, or whatever.

I'm learning to not be a perfectionist.  To focus more on the progress I have made/am making.  This has been a LONG journey and one I am constantly reminded throughout that it's about choices and how I react to things.

A lot of this has been applied to my life in the past year.  About a year ago, I was starting to realize I wasn't happy... that I felt as though my choices had been made for me or that I had made the wrong choice.  In retrospect, I didn't take responsiblity for my choices up til that point.

I have learned...

thinking things over and over doesn't make it any easier to take that first decision/action.

having even a little bit of faith in yourself changes everything.

all the people in the world aren't out to get you.

asking for what you want is the only way to get it.

realizing that you deserve to be happy is the first step to being happy.

figuring out what you want to be happy is the second step to being happy.

 

I do have to give credit to two of my friends for the roles the Big Guy Upstairs had them play to get me what I needed in my searching...

My friend Fonda gave me a lot of support right when I needed it.  I didn't have have anyone to really talk to about my life at that point, because I had so little time to build friendships.  She also gave me a great self-help book that I finished in three days. 

Steve... well, he was around.  A lot.  He started to become my friend and didn't place any expectations on me in our friendship.  I had NEVER had that happen to me before.  And he also let me know he cared about me -- not in a romantic way or anything.  He called me on New Year's eve when I was running late for a party my "gang" was to be at.  "Where are you?  Are you still coming?  Why are you late?  When are you going to get here?"  Bear in mind two things: 1) I don't usually run late.  2)  Steve very very rarely gets worked up about anything in a negative or positive way.  So it was pretty obvious that he cared if I showed up that night or not.  Up til that point, I figured he could have cared less, and that the only reason we really were hanging out was convenience (which didn't bother me because, hey, when your idea of a good time is staying up til 4 in the morning to make fun of "Elimadate" contestant
s, there aren't many people to share that with...).  So it was pretty significant to have someone actually care, let alone someone whom I was pretty sure didn't.

Shortly after that, I started living my life like I deserved happiness, success, love, and whatever else I wanted.  And I worked toward getting the things I thought would get me in the right direction.  I got some of them.  I grew up.  A LOT.  I'm still not perfect... but I'm headed in the right direction...

I am so NOT a loser!

*GRAD SCHOOL UPDATE*
Presented my poster today at the Cancer Center meeting with success.  Didn't win a prize, but didn't make a total fool myself either.  My advisor said I did well, so as far as I'm concerned, that's success.

Thoughts
I think I will post tomorrow... but thanks to AJ for a great shout out.  It's nice to be mentioned.  :-)  Check out his blog on my blogroll --->

Of rubber cement and sealing wax

Thoughts
When I get down, I try to take better care of myself.  Today I slept in, painted my nails, got coffee and a bagel from my favorite shop (Brewsters in Upper Arlington), and checked out my favorite blogs.  All before 10:30.  I'm a-doing good at taking care of myself.

Rantings
When it is so obvious that I have tons to do on talk slides and posters, why can't I seem to get crackin'?  It's the starting that's holding me up.  So I've started.  And rewarded myself by blogging... now back to work.  {CRACK}  TYPE TYPE!!!  {CRACK}

Musings

I wish it were easier to keep in touch with people.  I called my best gal pal from college (whose wedding I'm going to be in in May) last night after realizing I hadn't spoken to her in over a month.  Why?  Because I don't get home before 10 PM, by which time most proper people are in bed.  I don't call people on the weekends because I am too busy -- scratch that, I don't make time.  I must not lament things that are not my fault.  But you would think in an age of quick email and even more convenient cell phones, I would be better connected -- and I'm not.  I always did better with pen and paper letters.  I love the feel of a hefty pen with smooth ink in my hand as I jot line after line of updating amusement for a friend.  Perhaps tonight I will catch up on my letter writing.  I have loads of stationary to use and a new book of stamps to send on their merry way.  Yes, I think I shall retire to my desk with pens and&n
bsp;paper and sealing wax.  I shan't forget ye though... perchance my old school writing will inspire better things to flow via the keyboard.  Let's take a chance shall we?

oh but for the life I lead...I'd be a happy and contented lass

See this... ;-( This is my frustrated yet determined face.

I got my comments back from my advisor and two of three committee members. "good writing overall" "imaginative idea".

BUT... "significant typos" "superficial" "lack of detail"

[sigh] The good news is I get a second chance -- revisions due to my advisor on Wednesday. Revisions on the order of "ready to send out to your committee" revisions. I'll be working hard this week and weekend... no more blogging for me til it's done ...wish me luck!

Of rubber cement and sealing wax

Thoughts
When I get down, I try to take better care of myself. Today I slept in, painted my nails, got coffee and a bagel from my favorite shop (Brewsters in Upper Arlington), and checked out my favorite blogs. All before 10:30. I'm a-doing good at taking care of myself.

Rantings
When it is so obvious that I have tons to do on talk slides and posters, why can't I seem to get crackin'? It's the starting that's holding me up. So I've started. And rewarded myself by blogging... now back to work. {CRACK} TYPE TYPE!!! {CRACK}

Musings
I wish it were easier to keep in touch with people. I called my best gal pal from college (whose wedding I'm going to be in in May) last night after realizing I hadn't spoken to her in over a month. Why? Because I don't get home before 10 PM, by which time most proper people are in bed. I don't call people on the weekends because I am too busy -- scratch that, I don't make time. I must not lament things that are not my fault. But you would think in an age of quick email and even more convenient cell phones, I would be better connected -- and I'm not. I always did better with pen and paper letters. I love the feel of a hefty pen with smooth ink in my hand as I jot line after line of updating amusement for a friend. Perhaps tonight I will catch up on my letter writing. I have loads of stationary to use and a new book of stamps to send on their merry way. Yes, I think I shall retire to my desk with pens and&n bsp;paper and sealing wax. I shan't forget ye though... perchance my old school writing will inspire better things to flow via the keyboard. Let's take a chance shall we?

The breakthrough

Thoughts
I have been worrying. I'm a third year graduate student. I have three talks to give in the next three months, my poster for the Comprehensive Cancer Center Scientific Meeting, and giving the same poster for the College research day. By now, I thought I had mastered doing multiple "assignments" at once, but now I find myself struggling with a) the confidence that I can and b)actually doing it.

Rantings
Why can't I just get over myself already? I know that I am not perfect, yet I strive to be, I push myself to be in every aspect. I set myself up for defeat, knowing that I cannot be perfect, yet I expect this of myself. Mostly because I think everyone else expects it of me. Very few people do expect it of me, when it comes down to it. So I think "good enough" will work for me for now.

Musings
I am toying with the idea of running away. Or, at the very least, waiting to "run away" until I am retired. I have decided that what I really want to do after I retire from sciency stuff is to run my own travel/tour agency. Where we take/organize fun trips that aren't too jam packed, that focus on the journey, and that include lots of out of the way spots and awesome hidden bite-to-eat experiences. Ultimately, it would be a small group type experience, which the tours never exceeding more than 15 people or so. This I think is a good idea, and is something that I could make a BOATLOAD of money doing and like it as a retirement "job." Plus, I do want to travel when I retire, so why not make money at it?!?!

What's in a name...

So I'm reevaluating this whole blog thing. 'Specially since no one seems to be reading. Perhaps I need to comment on other blogs more. I dunno. I always feel weird commenting, cause it's like this insider's club of people that all know each other and what not. I do know that it's not really on purpose that I feel excluded. But I do. Perchance I am a bit sensitive about this because it so frequently has happened to me? In any event. My goal is to get more traffic I suppose. More "feed-forward" comments. Part of it is my therapy sessions are being cut down gradually, I have neglected all my flesh and bone friends because of my candidacy, and I feel an urge to connect to all the fantastically witty people I have read via Blogger. [le sigh].

Suggestions are welcome on a new title. I am hoping to change it to something catchy, yet all my inspiration is gone with my energy -- sapped of me for the exam and my abstract and the 10 googolplex things I've had to do today and not work. :0( At least it's Friday.

Thoughts
I am lonely.

Rantings
WHY OH WHY can't I have a break. DARNIT!!!! I have worked my butt off to get one thing done, and I do it, and then it doesn't work, so I have to do it AGAIN. GRAHAHAHA.. I am so frustrated with myself for making poor choices in my work lately that have cost me so much time. I am rapidly losing confidence my capabilities, which is NOT what I need right now.

Musings
Champagne and a boy... what more do you need on a Friday night? ;0)

WHEEEEeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

**Candidacy Update**

I have printed my final copies... after having multiple heart attacks and using half a ream of paper...I even went to Kinko's and did color copies (because the color copier we have ran out of red ink).  So it's done.  I don't care if there are minor mistakes anymore.  I am done obsessing.  I turned in two copies to my boss's mailbox last night at 10 AM, as she's getting one and delivering another to one committee member.  I am delivering the other two myself today.  Whew.

Bought a bottle of champagne for tonight, and am going to use the special glasses my Tutu bought for me for Christmas to celebrate.  My quals are not completely done, but at least this portion, this milestone of the process has been reached.  That is an accomplishment in and of itself, and I think I deserve to celebrate.  So if you are so inclined, feel free to raise a glass this evening to hope, hard work, and seeing light at the end of a tunnel.  :0)

Thoughts...
I am SOOOO happy my proposal is done.  I made a big point to thank my boyfriend for his support... so now I am thanking all you in Blogland for reading my nutso entries and for writing stuff for my brain to unwind in.  Thanks.  :0)

Rantings...
When did it become humanly possible to do 8 things at once?  I mean I can multitask, but not that well.  [sigh] early days and late nights...the only way to fit it all in.

Musings...
What would I do if I wasn't doing grad school?  At this point, I can't imagine doing much else.  I might have ended up a PR person, or a writer, maybe an opera singer -- all things I thought about in college.  All things I still dabble in on occasion.  It's nice to have more than my work to reward me in life.