by the way...

Just in case you hadn't heard...

 

I'M ENGAGED!

 

That is all.

get that girl a straitjacket

Oh the insanity. I typed another wedding planning address into the "address" bar and almost clicked go, but stopped myself. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

~~~~~

In other news, reconcilitation attempts are being made with lost-touch-with-them-friends. Results are encouraging, and further work is being done to facilitate additional contact.

~~~~~

More blog, less whine
What to write about?? Lately, that is the question on my mind. I find myself wanting to write, but have nothing (seemingly) important to say. At least nothing I might regret later.

The good news is that I don't have anything to complain about. Since, you know, the inception of this blog was essentially to vent my frustrations about life in general. And lately, I don't have any. Work is good, the beau is good, the living sitch is okay...more importantly, I'm okay. No internal mental anguish, just obsessions about being stuck in neutral with regards to the pace at which I am moving through life phases as of late. And that's okay. I am making peace with the fact that I am a little slower in general, relative to the rest of the population. Not that it's a bad thing. My take on this is that going at a slightly slower pace allows me to savor those life events all the more. So excuse me while I go pour a glass of wine and enjoy life at the moment.

limbo limbo limBO!

So I've wrestled with whether or not to discuss the following topic here, since, you know, it would be "putting it out there".  Cause it's a big secret.  Oh yeah.  Then I realized that I don't really care who finds out, and only one of my "face to face" friends reads my blog anyway... and she already knows and will keep/is keeping it on the down-low...Here goes.

 

I have become obsessed with weddings.  I'm not engaged.  I've discussed marriage/getting married/wedding stuff with my boyfriend ad nauseum.  But no ring on my hand.  My parents know we are planning on getting married, as do some friends - my dad refers to it as an "eventuality".  Meaning, it's not official, but yet it is decided.  I have a wedding magazine hidden under my bed, and a strategically labelled notebook full of ideas and information I do not yet need regarding reception sites, etc.  I can't act engaged (bold becuase it's really and OFFICIAL...) because I don't have a ring on my hand, we haven't "Officially" announced it, but at the same time we are "engaged".  (with quotes, because it's not REAL...but it is... but it's not... oh, I'm confused...).

 

I'm in limbo, because while I'm preparing to give up my singlehood, trying to decide if I want to keep my maiden name, worrying about how we will pay for some extravagent party I don't really want, and caught up in the "fairytale" idea of having a dad-daughter dance... my lovely beau and I are caught up in the dance of picking a ring and waiting for him to actually really propose (even though, if we are at this place, then isn't it already decided?)  I feel slightly cheated because the I missed out on the romantic act of getting a proposal, but yet I wouldn't have liked not knowing it was coming...  It's like half of me is all modern/evolved woman but then rest is stuck in Victorian England... 

 

What the heck!?  Why and how did all these weird "old-fashioned" ideas get into my head?  I feel totally irrational, and I don't understand why.  I know this is a big transition.  I don't handle change of any sort well.  Perhaps just admitting this is a big change will help me cope - I feel like it is.  Then perhaps I can tackle the larger question of what I do want out of life for the future.

invisible woman

I'm feeling slightly invisible.  I realized yesterday that it's okay too.  I mentioned this to someone, and they asked why.  I told them - I feel ignored because I am being ignored either on purpose or by accident.  But then when they started talking to me about, I realized I didn't really want to talk about where I was at emotionally - being invisible is okay.  I just want to wallow about in this feeling for a little while.

 

In other news, the ballroom dance lessons I am taking with Steve are going okay.  I love him, but the boy has got a very poor sense of rhythm...but at least he (or the other guys) are not stepping on my feet...

tall short

The days are getting longer here.  The sun was nearly all the way up when I left for work at the usual time (8:15 AM).  Definitely made getting up to have a spare 15 minutes this morning all the more worth it.  The royal* mood is also uplifted, which is always a bonus.

* For those of you that haven't figured it out yet, the "lady" part of the name is from a long-time royalty complex.  Not that I act like a royal pain... all the time...

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

retail therapy tames the savage...

I had twenty dollars in a gift card burning a hole in my pocket, but have been saving for something I "need."  I have everything I need.  I've been a good girl and not splurging on non-necessity stuff lately.  Yesterday that all came down in shambles.

I had a reaallllly bad Monday.  I won't go into detail, mainly cause it was work related.  It was bad.  I was bi$%#^.  I decided I needed to be good to myself, so I went to Target with my giftcard in hand.

It's amazing how much money you can spend on frivolous stuff when you allow yourself to do it.  It started out innocently enough, with some new eyeshadow... I wandered around for a half an hour trying to find $16 more stuff to use the giftcard on...then I started on the crafty stuff (a photo trimmer I've been wanting for MONTHS and an exacto knife)... then fun stationary (funky square paper with bright colored stripes down the sides)... Valentine's socks... a bar of Ghiradelli (because good chocolate, like love, makes everything better...)... a copy of the new mag "Everyday" (with Rachael Ray!  Oh thank heavens for the "garbage bowl"...)... organizer trays for my drawer at work (cause I'm sick of digging for my tape!)... no-budge headbands for working out...

I spent $40.  Total.  I spent $20 of my money, $20 gift card.

The beast is now appeased with lots of things to keep her happy in the next few months of gray days.  Now excuse me while I go work in my fun socks for the rest of the day.

bad day

Gar.  I'm going to go swallow a pint of chocolate ice cream and do some retail therapy.  YEs, it was THAT bad of a monday.

Friday - ARGGGGG

Even though it is not officially... I declare today to be Talk Like A Pirate Day!

 

ARGGGG.

 

Just because it's Friday and I am tired and increasingly stressed out and sick.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

This morning I really realized the days are getting longer.  I left at my newly/usual time for work (~8 AM) to be here by ~8:30 AM.  The sun was rising.  Realize that over the past few weeks, it has not been doing that.  So I am VERY happy.  Part of my happiness is due to the fact that I am dragging my butt out of bed earlier, so I see more sun and get more done during the day.  I have always been one of those people who need sunlight.  I am realizing this more and more since my lab lacks natural light.  I've noticed when I'm here longer, I feel yucky just because of the lack of light.  Not necessarily because of the 12 hour day, but who knows what contributes to that feeling.

 

In particular, I am glad for more light because I am sick of winter and colds and my lymph nodes being sore all day long, all week long.  My body is constantly bombarded with microbial challenges (I work in a microbiology lab...duh this would be an issue).  I'm not sick, but I'm sick of my neck hurting because I'm not sick.  Owie.

 

I am also glad for longer days because people are happier in the spring.  Everything is a little "lighter" - strangers smile at you more when you go into a coffee shop for a cafe au lait.  Errands become more fun and less chore just because the sun is out and you are outside and have full locomotion of your limbs.

 

[le sigh]

 

I'm moving to France, where even when it's yucky, people take life less seriously and despite weird leaders, they have okay work/life balance systems.

 

my obsession

I have been to the gym M-F last week, did yoga on Saturday, danced around the house on Monday, and hit the gym yesterday.  So far so good on week 2.

 

Realized as I was all excited about hitting the cardio machines...my freebie little headset (that allows me to listen to the TV at the gym while I am on the cardio machine) is broken.  Poo.

 

Observed for a half an hour that given something lost, very few people seem concerned.  I found someone else's headset left on the ground by my machine.  I was on the machine for about 35 minutes, and NO ONE who walked by had stopped to check that it was mine and not lost.  I finally turned it in to the desk after I was done.

 

The new RPAC is always busy.  I was there at 9 PM last night and it was still hopping.  Usually, that is around when it seemed to die down in the old Larkins.

 

I need a nap.  It's only 9 AM and I need a nap.  I need to start working out in the morning to get my energy up.  Maybe I'll get some stuff started at work and skip over the gym at lunch.  :::yawn:::  Past that, I have nothing to write about.

gym rat

I've been to the gym on Friday, Monday, and Tuesday so far this week. I also count Saturday's grocery shopping as exercise. :-) Not bad so far. I just have to keep with it.
~~~~~~~~~
I have a friend going into the hospital next week. I'm not sure what to get to take into her - flowers seem cliche. I was thinking something to entertain her would be good, but am stuck for ideas. Trashy gossip magazines? Coloring book and crayons? Crosswords or wordfinds? A copy of the NY Times perhaps?


~~~~~~~~~
The new rec center was CROWDED yesterday. So crowded that every single locker was full - i had to scrounge around for one near the swimming pool. You would think with all the empty walls and space that they would have installed more lockers.

lay about

I realized this weekend, that I have WAY too many projects. I need to stop starting new things before I have finished my existing list (which is quite long). Mostly it is craft projects/home improvement stuff -i.e. making clothes, pillows, etc. Maybe if I focus on one thing at a time for longer than 5 minutes I'd get something done.

strange luck

So I'm having a bad week, you could say. But it's been getting better.

But yesterday evening was good. I went to my favorite store to spend some Christmas cash - $50 to be exact. Problem is, the jeans I needed were $40. Each. BUT - there was a SALE so they were 2 for $59. Great! AND I had a coupon, but you have to spend $75 to get $25 off - which meant I had to spend at least $16 more. Okay...ring up this tank top for $19.50. What? It's marked down to $9.99 you say? Oh. Well, I can't use a clearance item to cover the 6.01 difference can I... can I? You'll make an exception!? Sweet! Then here are these pajama pants (with martini glasses and vodka bottles) that were originally $30, marked down to $9.99, with an additional 30% off they come to $6.99. So I rocked the deals and got all that stuff for $50. And... the pants... duhn duhn duhn DUNH... are one size smaller than I was wearing. In fact, I could squeeze into a 16, but then I looked like two walking sausages and that's just not cool. But one size smaller is still awesome. So awesome in fact, that it has inspired me on to further weightloss goals... another 10 pounds by the 13th of Feburary I say! And so I embark on more stringent adherance to my Phase 2 south beach diet and start up an exercise plan this evening. Won't bore you with details, but know I will periodically celebrate any small victories.

SUH.

This is FREAKIN' AWESOME.

Wednesday quickie

It's Wednesday, so almost to the weekend. I have no desire to do any of the things at home I should do before the weekend. Just wanna go home and sleep, because all my weekends the past few months have been running,running, running.

Lots of people seem to be having lots of troubles lately. This is a general prayer request - just pray with me for all those people I am praying for this week.

life in neutral

Today I feel like my life is on hold.

This isn't a new feeling. I've felt like I'm in a holding pattern since I started graduate school. I guess I feel like I'm in neutral, because I'm still rolling, but not necessarily of my own design. Life events, and results of experiments, keep happening, not as a direct result of my effort, but because they happen.

I'm waiting. I hate waiting for things to happen to me. It's frustrating to the control freak in me.

hacky, happy new year

I am sick.  Oh what a wonderful way to start a fresh year.  Not totally icky throwing up sick, just the beginnings of a rather nasty cold/ear infection.  Lots of drainage and phlegminess.  I am so throaty sexy Lauren Bacall right now.  ;-)  But at work, that doesn't matter - I'm just trying not to contaminate my cells with my grossness.  And now, before I head back to the bench...new year's resolutions (i.e. what I did wrong last year that I vow to do right this year).

1.  Publish.  Twice.  Or at least publish once and submit once.

2.  Not be whiny when sick.  Have found this rather annoys the persons taking care of me.

3.  Sit up straight more.

4.  Not obsess about things I cannot control.  Instead, I will tackle those things I can control as soon as possible, so as to take mind off of the former.

5.  Do NOT let other people's negative/inconsiderate/non-compassionate/generally-annoying-and-or-rude behavior get to me.  I realized part of this is that I wish I was myself less that way (whatever the annoying person's "way" happens to be...).  Instead, I will focus on how I can model the behavior I would like them to have - this will accomplish the resolution and make it more about ME, since I can only change ME not other people.

6.  Take more healthy risks.

7.  Turn up the music and dance more often.

8.  Do more random acts of kindness.

9.  Start every day with a smile in the mirror and a prayer of thanks that I get to see another day full of opportunity.

10.  End every day with a smile in the mirror and a prayer of thanks that I got through the day full of opportunity.

 

 

two year blogiversary

The fifteenth is my two year blogiversary.

So because this week has been the week from hell, I'm celebrating now - YAY!

And updating on the week from hell:

1) Lab experiments are not progressing as fast as necessary. Some work, some don't work at all. There appears to be no in between at the moment.
2) Didn't make it home to visit fam this past weekend. Boo.
3) Was in car accident on Friday AM, which is why #2 happened. Yuck. No details. Just know I am okay, my car is not.
4) Found out today that the damage to car from #3 is so extensive, that they will total it out (i.e. Goodbye Vibe).
5) Realized today that I have no money (i.e. no downpayment for new car need due to #3 and #4), and am totally screwed.

Good things in the hellishness...as I am trying to take a "glass half full" approach:
1. I am okay - I walked away from the accident.
2. I have gap coverage insurance - which means the loan from the Vibe is paid in FULL by my insurance company, and I will not be several thousand dollars in debt.
3. Found out I can lease a new car for less than what I was paying on the Vibe, without a downpayment or first month deposit - so I can save the extra money for a downpayment on my next car.
4. I have the BEST parents in the world, because one found #3, and the other is who encouraged me to get gap coverage insurance in the first place - hence I am not totally screwed financially and car wise.
5. Lack of solidness elsewhere is lending itself nicely to refocusing efforts in lab, and I am slowly pulling my crap together - will hopefully get things done in due time. In fact, the things I was told to "focus on" a few weeks ago are pretty much done, except for minor details.

So bittersweet is the word of the day. Appropriate, since that is how life was feeling when I started this thing...

another fun hat for a super cold day

100_9099
Originally uploaded by LadyNicole.

It was 14 degrees Farenheit this morning in Columbus when I woke up. Brrr freakin' brr. Good thing I have my spiffy Agentine ski hat to keep me warm..."Fin del Mundo" - the end of the world. Ushuaia is the southernmost city in the entire world - that's where Steve left on the boat for Antartica. (and yes, he is back safe. Not warmer, cause it's only like 30 degree Farenheit there...).

Keep warm everybody.

why don't you have a seat? ... the holidays wil be right with you...

As I was ambitious (or annoyingly prepared) this year, it's Dec. 1 and I have:

-finished all my Christmas shopping, except for work Secret Santa and the group gift for my boss

-addressed all but 7 of my holiday cards

-written a witty yet informative holiday letter

-put up and decorated the "honkin' big tree" borrowed from my mom, complete with multicolored light design, garland, bows on the tips of the branches, and a LOT of ornaments.

-planned the holiday baking to commence this Saturday

So I'm ready for Christmas to be here already.  Advent is the hard part.  We wait... and wait... and wait.  Four more weeks.  Arg.  The thing I do like about Advent is the wreath -- lighting a candle each week helps make the wait easier - it's a visual reminder that we are waiting patiently for Christmas.  Plus it's a nice grounding point for reminding me what the holiday is all about for me - the birth of Jesus - that keeps me focused on the less commercial aspects of the holiday.  The tradition of hanging the tree with family ornaments and gifts from friends, the care and love I put into all the cookies I bake and don't eat myself, the quiet time spent with family.

Unfortunately, Christmas also brings up some not so fun memories as well, since it's the time of year when my grandfather passed away - he just held on past Christmas in 2000.  So it's been five years this Christmas.  Those memories are bittersweet though, because it wasn't an unexpected death - he'd been sick and avoiding most treatment for a long time.  So those memories are a reminder that life isn't a dress rehearsal - you can't just sit waiting for things to happen to you, for the transition from this life.  Although waiting patiently is a good approach for those things we don't have control over, you have to balance that with the willingness to jump in feetfirst to life's adventures that you do have control over.  To paraphrase a quote from The Ripples Project, I like to think he slid in headfirst to the next part of his existence, thouroughly used up, and exicited for the great ride he'd had - because it was a great life tha t he finished out.  That's how I want to go out - ready for the next great adventure.

Anyway... here's to the rest of the holiday season... 24 more shopping days!

more of the promised hats