Thursday, March 16, 2006

limbo limbo limBO!

So I've wrestled with whether or not to discuss the following topic here, since, you know, it would be "putting it out there".  Cause it's a big secret.  Oh yeah.  Then I realized that I don't really care who finds out, and only one of my "face to face" friends reads my blog anyway... and she already knows and will keep/is keeping it on the down-low...Here goes.
 
I have become obsessed with weddings.  I'm not engaged.  I've discussed marriage/getting married/wedding stuff with my boyfriend ad nauseum.  But no ring on my hand.  My parents know we are planning on getting married, as do some friends - my dad refers to it as an "eventuality".  Meaning, it's not official, but yet it is decided.  I have a wedding magazine hidden under my bed, and a strategically labelled notebook full of ideas and information I do not yet need regarding reception sites, etc.  I can't act engaged (bold becuase it's really and OFFICIAL...) because I don't have a ring on my hand, we haven't "Officially" announced it, but at the same time we are "engaged".  (with quotes, because it's not REAL...but it is... but it's not... oh, I'm confused...).
 
I'm in limbo, because while I'm preparing to give up my singlehood, trying to decide if I want to keep my maiden name, worrying about how we will pay for some extravagent party I don't really want, and caught up in the "fairytale" idea of having a dad-daughter dance... my lovely beau and I are caught up in the dance of picking a ring and waiting for him to actually really propose (even though, if we are at this place, then isn't it already decided?)  I feel slightly cheated because the I missed out on the romantic act of getting a proposal, but yet I wouldn't have liked not knowing it was coming...  It's like half of me is all modern/evolved woman but then rest is stuck in Victorian England... 
 
What the heck!?  Why and how did all these weird "old-fashioned" ideas get into my head?  I feel totally irrational, and I don't understand why.  I know this is a big transition.  I don't handle change of any sort well.  Perhaps just admitting this is a big change will help me cope - I feel like it is.  Then perhaps I can tackle the larger question of what I do want out of life for the future.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I completely understand. I was that way for a few months before Mike proposed. I knew it was going to happen, but it wasn't official. Even the night Mike asked, I knew it was going to happen (I could see the ring box in his pants pocket), but I was still excited. Also, I always said I wanted a small destination wedding, until I got the ring on my finger! Now we are having it here with a guest list of over 200 people on it... Keep looking at the stuff because once you get the ring you have to actually make decisions! Litb, Rocki

Nicole said...

Ack... I know. I was seriously all about the "let's run off with just our parents and siblings and get married...". Then I started looking at TheKnot. Save me. Please - I'm drowning in tulle.

Anonymous said...

Well, it certainly is expensive to do it here in Ohio. But like I said, keep looking. Our date isn't until October 2007 and we already have to book a hall and I'm meeting with vendors. If I had already had information then I would have been much better off. Like you said, you know you'll get a ring, so its not like your single and obsessed with weddings! And, you can register on The Knot without being engaged!

Michael said...

Snakes and boogeymen and nuclear annhilation are nothing.

Marriage scares me.

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