cha-cha-cha

So I have started applying for jobs. I found some cool technical writing jobs, some quality analysis jobs, some editor positions. Applied for them all.

I have an interview. For a real JOB. Exciting stuff. Apparently, I'm good on paper.

In other news, saw the Psych today. Quick 30 minute appointment (actually 20, because even though I was there 8 minutes EARLY, we didn't start til 10 after 8.)... upped my dosage of Zoloft to 100mgs per day (I know, you care SOOOO Much about this...). In all, making progress. I have an intake appointment for individual counseling on Monday, so hopefully that will go well. I feel better, if that is any indication of progress.

I also bought THIS... to help with my ultra dry hands. It WORKS baby. Go buy some before the weather gets truly crappy and so does your skin.

L8r.

hat day

So it is official. I have decided to leave graduate school with my masters degree at the end of this quarter.

YEE HAW!...Oh crap now I need to get a job. And no more parental assistance. Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap.... But I will be done with school! I can get a JOB. Doing something I LOVE (versus something that frustrates me to no end!)

Let the celebration of life change commence...

And... in light of that... today is the first day of the fall season I have worn a hat. My Ushuaia hat to be exact (see my flicker strip below right...).

More substantial posts later...

new life...

*Warning: this post contains highly contemplative spiritual and Catholic Christian content. If you are offended by the sharing of other's spiritual experiences, I encourage you to read on so you can actually comment that you are offended at the CONTENT (i.e. my opinions), rather than ranting at me for posting on a spiritual TOPIC.*

I finished chapter 40 of "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren this morning. WOW. I started it thinking, maybe this will help me discern my purpose in life - meaning, I would know what job to have, how to raise my kids, etc.

I realized after finishing this book (mind you, I finished the first 20 or so chapters, then came back to it...) that my PURPOSE is not the activities... not the job... not MY purpose. It's God's purpose. For me. So my life decisions are more about "will this allow me the freedom to fufill God's purpose for me in this life?".. and less "is this where I am supposed to be?".

This means a lot for me, since I am all in the midst of major life changes (school, getting married, having family move, etc.) and making decisions for what direction to take. There may be more than one "right place" for me to be that will fit into God's purpose for me. I just have to be open to fufilling that purpose, whether I know what it is or not. Right now, I am in the dark, and I know that is for a reason. Free will is what it is - free - so I have to make these decisions on my own. I've been praying for the Holy Spirit to enlighten me.

Or rather I am praying for God to open my heard to His word and the Holy Spirit. I have only had a few life experiences where I've been truly enlightened. As of late, I am realizing it's more about me opening up and listening to myself. When it comes down to it though, I truly believe that we all possess a certain amount of Divinity - we are all created in God's image and for His purpose - so listening very carefully, God can speak through our heart by raising the volume of that Divinity He put in us. That's what I'm trying to do.

Right now, I am realizing that though I am good at what I do right now, that there are other talents God has granted me with that I am wasting. So my goal is to not waste my talent - I was blessed with it for a reason. I was blessed with the talents I have (as developed or undeveloped as they may be) to fulfull God's purpose, and using the talents I have and developing the talents I have will help me do that.

So here's my mantra to help me remember my purposes for life: I have to live my life so that I can use my talents to the fullest, mazimize my openess to living my God-given purpose, and be the best person I can be by practicing my faith in my small, everyday actions and decisions.

Have a great weekend!

"three weeks"

Okay, I feel absolutely cruddy today. It is thundering and lightning, and I would rather be in bed. Not much longer til I am, so this is a quicky to let you all know I am alive, the meds are starting to kick in and kick my butt, and that I am absolutely scared out of my mind.

Change freaks the crap out of me. I am contemplating a major life change, and the question I have is whether the risk is worth it. Will I be able to handle it better than I am handling myself in my current life? Or will I crash and burn? I suppose being absolutely miserable makes any options better than life at present.

Wish me luck...